Dying For Something
by his last walk
Summary: "But now it was like Roxas was gone. Definitely gone. And he wasn't coming back…I never even got to say goodbye." Non-AU. Akuroku! Character death


**Disclaimer:** Dialogue, and...mostly everything belongs to Square Enix and Disney. Nothing belongs to me...-sadface-

**A/N: **This is the result of sitting at home, doing physics homework, and knowing absolutely nothing about physics. Knowing nothing about work makes me depressed and angsty...but in a good way? Hell, yeah, I'm just updating stories like crazy. I'm sorry. The ideas just keep coming in.

**Song: **_I'd give it all to you, letting go of me, reaching as I fall; I know it's already over now. Nothing left to lose, loving you again - I know it's already over, already over...now. _**Already Over:: Red.**

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Dying For Something**

I wasn't supposed to have a heart.

I wasn't supposed to feel this way.

But I had been thinking about it a lot lately. About where Roxas had gone. Why was he gone? He had disappeared so suddenly, it was almost heartbreaking, ironically. The nights I had tossed and turned, just _thinking_ about where he could be. The last time I had seen Roxas, I told him…we should meet again in the next life. And…well, I can still remember the words:

_Yeah, I'll be waiting…_

And all I could manage then was a pained smile. The words I wanted to say wouldn't come out. The words that were slowly choking me, keeping me silent, keeping me from speaking. All I could manage was a sentence I wish I could take back, "Silly…just because _you _have a next life…" I remember that Roxas's blank expression had flickered, and when I started to slip back into the darkness, the thought that just _wouldn't _come out of my mouth was repeating over and over in my head,

_Please, Roxas, please…wait for me._

That had been the last time I had seen Roxas. Then the blond had disappeared without a trace. Maybe that was the reason why I had turned against the organization. Maybe that was the reason why I couldn't go to sleep at night anymore. Maybe _that _was the reason my 'heart' ached every time I tried to brush the memory of Roxas out of my head. The memories of Roxas were gradually corroding me, and I knew I was dying a little inside every day I went without seeing him. Before, it had been okay since I knew that Roxas was still _there; _his presence in Twilight town was all I needed to know to keep living.

But now…it was like Roxas was _**gone**_.

Definitely _gone_.

And he wasn't coming back.

…I never even got to say goodbye.

So maybe that was the reason why I now decided to go and fight with Sora. There was just _something _about this kid that made me happy as well. There were so many similarities between him and Roxas, and though it made _something _inside me hurt even more…I still wanted to feel it. For the _sake _of feeling something. It wasn't a bad thing, was it? We were surrounded by so many Dusks; if I didn't do something soon, Sora would lose Kairi.

Just like I had lost Roxas.

"Feeling a little…regret?" Sora asked me mockingly, but maybe he was feeling a little bit anxious as well. I paused.

_No regrets, _I thought, _I can do this. Don't think about it, Axel. You want to do this. You __**have**__ to._ If I did this… I knew. Just maybe…there was a slight chance…that I could see Roxas again. Just _maybe…_

Well, at least I'd be dying for _something. _

I felt at loss, and Sora probably saw the hesitation in me, but I smirked. I always did, even if I was in a dire situation, like this one. Just one simple act, a twitch of my lips…it made me feel so much more confident. "Nah," I was surprised that my voice hadn't cracked, "I can handle these punks. Watch this."

_Watch this, Roxas. Are you watching me? I'm doing this all for you._

All that power in me, everything I had inside of me, I used it all to kill and eliminate every single one of those damned Dusks. Weak things. Maybe I didn't _have _to use all my power, but…something inside me told me that I should. A blinding white flash, and the next thing I knew, the Dusks were gone. Completely vanished. Feeble, and drained of power, I suddenly found myself falling towards the ground. I didn't even have the strength to keep on my feet; I was on my back, and I could slowly feel my entire self ebbing away, fading back into nothingness. It was a funny feeling, getting erased from this world. Though…I didn't feel anything for it.

Sora ran towards me…just to tell me something I already knew, "You're…fading away."

I managed to pull off a scoff, "Yeah…" I mumbled something else, but I couldn't remember. It must have been something about my attack, but who cared? I was done… There was a moment of silence between the two of us; the black wisps of my smoke-like existence were evaporating into the air. Sora was watching me, and I would have hated to admit it…but I liked him by my side. My last few moments here in this world.

"Why'd you do it?" His soft voice reached my ears.

If there was a second where I could pause this whole ordeal, I would have done it. _Why __**did **__I do it?_ Did I even have a legit reason for overworking my powers and destroying myself? I knew why I did it though. I knew _exactly _why I had done this.

"I wanted to see Roxas."

I wasn't supposed to have a heart, dammit. I wasn't supposed to feel this big lump in my throat like I had just swallowed a Keyblade. There weren't supposed to be any emotions inside of me, none at all. I wasn't supposed to _feel _at all. So why was it when I started to think about that…_blond… _my best friend…_Roxas…_I felt like I was going to be on the verge of crying? I could talk about it though. Why not, I mean. I was going to die anyway. Let Sora think whatever he wanted to think. I continued to speak; could Sora hear the pain that was in my near-emotionless voice?

"He was the only one I liked," No one else could get to me. No one else…Only Roxas… "He…made me feel like I had a _heart_…"

_Did you hear me Roxas? There you go. I finally admitted it. So maybe you __**were **__right. So maybe…maybe even Nobodies have hearts. Or something that feels like one anyway. Because…if I didn't have one…I would have never felt this way towards you. I'm dying…Roxas… but you can hear me, right?_

_**I loved you.**_

I turned to Sora, my eyes clear from tears, "You make me feel the same way." _Just a little, and I don't even understand why. _In a few short sentences, I told him where to find Kairi. If he thought I'd go apologize to her myself, he was absolutely wrong. I wasn't going to last much longer. If the organization found out I had betrayed them yet again…well, I wasn't going to be here. What shocked me the most was that Sora didn't even speed towards the portal I made… Instead, he waited.

I'm disappearing now. Roxas had better be there, wherever I'm going, he had better be there waiting for me. Like he had said he would. I did it all for him; I just wanted to _see_ him again. One simple act of waiting…that couldn't be _that _hard, could it? I couldn't just be dying for _nothing_. No. Roxas would wait. He said that he would.

Sora was still by my side. Why couldn't he just _leave? _Crying alone…that seemed more appropriate to me than crying in front of Sora. Sadness was a funny feeling, and I didn't want to show it in front of the brunet. The only regret I ever had, you know, was that… I would have liked it if I could have sea-salt ice cream one last time with Roxas, sitting on the clock tower as if we had all the time in the world. But my time was running out, and it was running out faster than I would have liked it to.

The last thing I heard, before I faded away into darkness, was just one word. It could have been Sora, and it could have been just me hallucinating, but I liked to think that it had been Roxas. It would have made the whole concept of me dying a whole lot easier…

"_Axel…"_

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**A.N: **A little bit of a tear jerker? Maybe? Or not...I don't know. **Review **and tell me what you think of it~


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